Letter to myself

Been trying find myself for long dam time been through so much 2020 has been rough year feel like alone & I am see someone in the beginning was good then when me and him move in together only thing we do is argue fall in love with someone that is sill marry someone else got children of his own and got my own he make happy ....did trust him when going through phone see stuff being ex or wife block hit in the face at same look like dum. Been there for him &  children never good enough for him me. I am sad because all thing do for them being good person get into bad place just I'm buying me stuff for taking me out eat love that not why with him just want feel appreciated he my stay not go no way same time I want try trust him again know back my out going have find my way on own with out yeah help me got back on my feet just feel loss hope ..call me name all the time make me feel bad about myself feel worth go through depression bad one day good sometime get sad give up myself told him always care about your self not my feeling .. just want someone that not try hurt be there for me not use me .